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or "un-Great Expectations"  Show this Post

you know how they have books like "What to Expect when you're Expecting" that top the best seller lists… where are the "what to expect when you're going for surgery" books?  Oh, sure – they give you a 1-page poorly photo-copied black and white list of a couple of do's and don'ts – like not eating for 700 hours before and don't arrive drunk or stoned on the day of your surgery – but they certainly don't cover much, and especially not the really important parts – like:
 
– if you want a clean, even or complete shave/waxing (down there!) – do it yourself, prior to surgery
 
– draw in permanent marker a straight dotted line in the exact middle of your body – so the surgeon has something to follow and your scar – as ugly as it might be – is at least symmetrically centred on your abdomen, instead of looking like something an infant scribbled in red crayon
 
– have your wife smuggle in at least a 3-day supply of those "special" brownies, because not only won't you want to touch the hospital food – but, you are definitely going to need the analgesic effect of THC post-op
 
– have someone who's been there before, define PAIN in the most explicit manner possible, so you're not "surprised" when you first wake up following the surgery – and therefore avoid saying something most inappropriate to the nurses who are going to be responsible for your care for the next 3-5 days.  You DO NOT want to piss them off that early in the game!!  You're going to need them on your side…
 
– make sure your surgery hasn't been scheduled to occur just prior to a long holiday weekend – avoid this at all costs
 
– expect the worst, so you can't possibly be disappointed