or "is THAT really necessary?" Show this Post
alright, enough ranting and airing of pet peeves… let's get down to the story…
It all began on a rainy day – an early April shower – my galoshes sticking in the mud as I trudged through the thick woods on my way to grandmother's place… Oh, oh… ok – that's a story for another time!
but, it was in early April – and it might have been raining, I don't remember – and I had what I thought was to be a normal appointment with my GP to refill some prescriptions or some such, but "out of the blue" I was asked when I last had a complete physical. I couldn't remember and although I'd been seeing this doctor for about 10 years, I may not have had one in that entire time. There were enough other visits where bits and pieces of my physical condition were examined and discussed, that we'd probably covered everything anyway during that time – well… almost everything.
So, I was scheduled for another slot in the very near future – one needs sufficient time apparently to do a "full" physical – and on the so-appointed day, at the requested time, I once again could be found sitting patiently (you do understand why the source word is the same – right?) staring at the waiting room walls, trying to ignore all the wailing infants and working hard at holding my breath so as not to inhale any of the virulent strains of the hantavirus being coughed into the air by my closest fellow "waiters" – totally oblivious to the fact that there were more life-changing things to worry about.
finally escaping the germ-pit, I was ushered into the largest of the many exam rooms – after having my weight and height checked and recorded. btw, what possible interest could the height of a 49-year-old be to the medical community? I certainly wasn't still growing – well, not up anyway… and I'm quite sure I hadn't started to shrink either.
anyway, my doctor arrived in short order and to quote Arlo Guthrie1 "they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched"... and again, even this was an understatement – as I was not prepared for the final "inspection" – for two very good reasons! First of all, I have suffered from severe IBS ever since I was in my late teens – and unless I was in the O.R. under anesthetic and I had been through a complete and agonizing 24-hour purge, there was no way anyone was going THERE – and even then, only with a scope! And more importantly – what I haven't mentioned – my GP was a woman! And I know you're thinking – "but you must have had a hernia check (turn your head and cough)" – and I did, but even that was done very modestly (don't think I even had to remove my briefs). But THIS was something altogether different – "stand, drop-em, bend-over and relax"… oh sure – the result of the first 3 was just plain embarrassing, but "relax" – that was never going to be.
however, what had to happen, happened… and it was very comforting to be able to quickly return to a fully-dressed, normal posture – until I heard the words "I didn't like the feel of that – I want you to go for a PSA blood test". Up until then, I honestly don't think I even knew exactly what or where a "prostate" was or what part it played in the male condition… remember the age thing… we weren't introduced to the detailed inner workings of male and female anatomies in Grade 4, or Grade 8 or even Grade 13 (you see! we still had a Grade 13 when I went to school – and sex education was something you were only exposed to hanging out in the smoking section behind the school – oh yeah – we were allowed to join our teachers for a smoke way back then, before anyone but the tobacco companies knew it wasn't good for you 😉
and so, it began… I just didn't know what "it" was yet!
1 if you're too young to remember Alice's Restaurant, then there are probably going to be a lot of references you'll need to Google over the course of my ramblings this month.